i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
