I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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