I think I died a long time ago.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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