would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
