remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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