Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
