I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
