I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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