it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
