I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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