Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
