Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
