its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
