he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
