Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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