she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
