god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
