: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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