Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
