Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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