I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
