not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
