i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
