Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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