There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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