In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
