Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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