birth control should be required to get into college
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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