my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
