After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
