Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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