I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize