umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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