if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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