I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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