I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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