; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
