if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
