Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You were trust falling into bushes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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