YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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