is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
