I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
