saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
