how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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