the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
