People in love make me want to vomit
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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