Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
