I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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