I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
