For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
