His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
