if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize