If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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