Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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