i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
