Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
