she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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