Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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