Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
