just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize