I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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