you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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