There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
