That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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