When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
