yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
