So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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